Within every person is the desire to be liked. Deep down, whether we admit it or not, craving acceptance, the feeling of being part of a community and receiving love from others is one of the persistent open loops in our brains. Much of our behaviour when interacting with others is centred around picking up social cues that give us hints about how we’re doing in our pursuit of inclusion.
It is this longing for acceptance and connection that makes our social web work. Technology really has nothing to do with it; its simply another highway for our primitive desires to travel upon. We find bonds, we share knowledge and experiences, we help each other out. Seth Godin nailed this concept: Our first instinct is not to burn villages and harm one another, we are inherently a social species bent on forming Tribes.
The converse of wanting to be liked, of course, is a strong fear of not fitting in, of being publicly shamed, shunned and outed as being different, odd, or not good enough. Everyone has felt that. This realization represents a great leap towards enlightenment. Simply understanding this one fact makes getting out of bed every day a heck of a lot easier.
Everyone feels like an outcast.
Everyone is afraid of someone noticing.
Everyone pretends that they don’t feel this way.
Have you ever felt the paralysis that sets in when fear begins its slow creep into your mind? The same thing happens (and is most likely happening) within your organization. Businesses are comprised of three things: people, bricks and paperwork. Since, bricks and paper generally don’t feel emotion, the fears that paralyze your organization must then reside within the people. Your company has never been afraid of its reputation being tarnished, of a product failing, or not fitting in. Your company has never really done anything. People do, people think, people feel, people fear.
Marketing used to involve throwing ideas out into a world of faceless masses. Since broadcast media lacked the ability for individuals to shout back, people within an organization were sheltered from their fears of being criticized. Its called “marketing” for a reason; we talked to markets, not people. If the market didn’t like you, we called it a trend, a recession, a downturn, a bad quarter. The same way a brick can’t feel pain, a market can’t express dismay that resonates with us at a personal level.
With all of our fancy new tools, beneath the glossy shiny technology, there comes the realization that there are real people out there. The market that could once only tell us whether the balance sheet was black or red, is now comprised of millions of faces; each one with a voice; each voice brandishing the possibility of saying something that could make us feel bad.
For some, this is a heavy realization. Talk to someone about the benefits of social media, the power of peer recommendation, the changing of consumer’s perceptions of brands and new abilities to develop deep loyalty – they get excited.
Let them know that there is the potential for someone to say something bad, and the room turns cold. It could be one comment in a thousand, and it doesn’t matter. Fear is triggered and the most seasoned executive might as well be a crying child in a snow storm – paralyzed by the thought of not being loved.
Say thank you.
Seriously.
When was the last time you expected anyone to be perfect? Part of the reason we like to fit in so much is the recognition that we all have flaws. If we were perfect, we’d outrun lions, hunt gazelles and wander the world alone and happy. We gather together because, as a group, our flaws are collectively mitigated and we are able to do more – together.
Human nature is programmed to be skeptical of perfect. We harbour a deep recognition of our own issues. In turn, we realize that if you say you are perfect, then you must be hiding something.
Embrace social tools that enable your organization to appear flawed and beautiful and human.
Use these tools to create a gathering place for your tribe. We all want to fit in. Enable me to join your group in as many ways as possible!
Give me a tribe to protect – Let me share my amazing experience with your brand. Let me discuss the great things, that will balance the rough spots. That’s what us humans do.
Don’t be a brick. Be a human – Stop hiding behind your logo with your head in the sand. Be human. Show emotion. Care. This alone will often be the difference between facing a mob of flaming pitchforks or collaborating to respond to constructive criticism.
Do better – If people say bad things about you, try harder. Fix the mistakes and feel blessed to know what you need to improve upon. Leave your fears at home and realize that we are all on the same path towards better. Realize the journey to perfect is asymptotic, but do your best to get as close to the top as you can.
Man, you hit home here. We all want to be loved…but we're afraid to say it. No one is perfect…don't try to act like it. I like you better when you try and fail…admit it…and try again, then why you pretend to be perfect (not you but you know what I mean).
Thats true that we all want to be liked for our self, or what we do and that human nature and how to achieve that depends the approach applied, same for our business which is reflected from our mindset